THE TRUTH.

It's been a while since I post something on my blog. So many things in my life changed dramatically. I will be revealing a lot of personal things in this post, hence the title. Hope you will read, accept, and understand me little more.

It all began in April 2010, when I first laid my eyes on Daniel Gustowski, in the house next door which my parents own and rent out to other people. At that time, it was about a month into my new relationship with Jordan. (If you've been following my blog for a while, I wrote a lot of posts about our long distance relationship) I immediately scolded myself for being attracted to Daniel because loyalty is a huge deal to me. I've been cheated on, and it hurts. I swore I will never do it to someone. Daniel ended up moving next door with his brother, sister-in-law-to-be, and nephew. Months went by, I was happily in relationship with Jordan until he departed to Gallaudet University, which is in Washington, DC. We decided to continue our relationship, long distance.Whenever I walked past a window that views the next door, I found myself peering out of the window to catch glimpses of Daniel. There was a couple of occasions where Daniel mowed the grass, topless. Meow.

"You guys should be each other's date to my wedding!" said Amber, Daniel's sister-in-law-to-be.
Daniel and I looked at each other and shrugged. Mama and Amber were getting into details about wedding and chatted away. I was wearing my yellow heart shaped glasses from Rome and I wasn't wearing any shoes. Daniel looked down at my bare feet and asked me where was my shoes.
"I don't like wearing shoes, and I once went barefoot for 48 hours."I said proudly.
He laughed and looked in my eyes. I felt my heart jumping out of my chest. This is crazy. I'm with Jordan. I can't do this to him, I thought.

Jordan's Lola, (grandma in Filipino), passed away when he only just finished his first week at Gallaudet. He flew home for the funeral, and of course, I was giddy about that. I picked him up from the airport, brought him to Tim Hortons before I drop him off home. I was excited because he would be home for Amber and Greg's wedding.

September 2010, the wedding day came, my family and I attended the ceremony. Daniel was Greg's best man, and he looked so good in his suit. Forcefully, I looked at somewhere else instead of staring at the guy next door. Amber came in the church in her beautiful white dress, and Landon, her little boy, walked her down the aisle. It was a heart string tugging scene. Later that night, the reception was at Polish Combatants Association (Club 13), and it was the same place where I first met Jordan. After the dinner, the video of Amber and Greg's life together was playing. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol came on, and I was standing close to the head table to see the video better. Little did I know, Daniel was staring at me. Dancing started, and I got a text from Jordan saying that he is here. I left the room to wait at the door for him. My brother found me to tell me that Daniel was looking for me. Oh no, he is going to be disappointed when he sees that Jordan is here. Jordan came in, and my brother looked very awkward. I led them to the reception room, and at the same time, Daniel came and made an eye contact with Jordan, and his face just dropped. A pang of disappointment hit me, and I realized that I didn't want Jordan there because I wanted to spend the evening with him instead. So, I got drunk, so did he. Little we know, we were aching to be with each other.

Months gone by, it was cold and snowy out. Daniel and I were texting each other often. We called each other Daisy and Luigi, and Mango and Pear. We started hanging out late at night after he was done with his evening shift. I found myself loving his company, his voice, and every little thing about him. One night we were watching Twilight together, and somehow we started cuddling. Every fiber of my body was jumping with glee. I was nibbling on his ear, and biting his arm for fun. Just before I left, Daniel was leaning toward to me, wanting to kiss me. Immediately, I told him that I can't do that to Jordan and left. The next morning, I felt so bad about what happened, so I decided to tell Jordan. He got so angry with me, and deleted me off Facebook. I did not understand what happened because I didn't kiss him, instead I left and told him like a loyal girlfriend would do. Jordan came around little bit later, we talked and apologized. The next day, he went out clubbing, and I went over to Daniel's place. I didn't think of it much because I was overjoyed to be in Daniel's presence.

A few weeks later, Jordan came home for Christmas. He was acting very different, but I didn't point it out because I assumed he was still upset about Daniel. As we were leaving my place for his family's Christmas celebration, I peered at the house next door in hope to see him, and I did! He was looking out of the window while everyone is sitting down for dinner. Jordan was very smug about him seeing us together.

Two months later, just a week before Valentine's day, Jordan and I had a huge fight because I was doing nothing wrong and he was all snappy. Next morning, I received a text from him asking me to go on Skype with him. Bed hair, and pajamas, I went on Skype. The first thing he said was, "I cheated on you." My heart dropped to my feet, and I was barely making out words while he went on with the details. I slammed my laptop close right after he was done with his story. I got up, and tried to get my head together. How could he do this to me? I was doing so good at controlling my feelings for Daniel. I opened my laptop again, called him back, and pounded him with questions. He cheated on me on the night he went clubbing, just a day after we made up. I was so heartbroken, but for the life of me, I don't understand why I kept him around. Did not eat a thing that day. Went to see my bestfriend, Vanecia, to stay with her and stay sane. I was so weak and dazed from the news. Despite everything, I did not break it off with Jordan. I wished I did though, because I wasted another year with him.

A week later, I flew to Washington, DC to spend my first Valentine with Jordan. Bottle of vodka and unsolved problems definitely don't go well together. We got drunk, and I went to see that girl he cheated on me with, Julianna. She has big front teeth, and wasn't that attractive as I thought she would be. She was the one who answered the door.
"Are you Julianna?" I asked,
"Yeah, I am. Who are you?" she replied,
"I'm Jordan's girlfriend." I stated, little angrily.
"Oh my god," her face dropped, "I'm so sorry, he said he didn't have a girlfriend that night."
I returned back to Jordan's dorm room, which was just a couple of steps away from Julianna's room. I yelled and yelled at him for lying to her about not having a girlfriend which was like a day after we made up. He got so angry so he pushed me off his twin sized bed which is pretty high. It comes up to my hip and I'm 5'7". Ended up getting bruises from that. After I typed this, I'm actually pretty disgusted that I didn't leave him.

April 2011, I decided to send Daniel a Facebook message "Can we go out for a walk?". A few minutes later, we met up in my driveway which is between our houses. My purpose of the walk was to get a closure with him before Jordan comes home for the summer. The closure walk turned out to be 2 hours walk down the trail. We were talking and talking like nothing happened between us. He was very angry and upset about Jordan cheating on me. He couldn't understand why I stayed with him, and to be honest, I didn't either. I shrugged it off and kept talking. That day, it was the beginning of Karli and Daniel part 2. After the long walk, we didn't get a closure like I hoped, instead, my feelings for him grew.

Daniel asked me if I was up for UFC with his cousins. Of course, I leapt at the chance to hang out with him. After the UFC fight, we went out for a cruise. We ended up somewhere between Winnipeg and Headingley when I put my white Ford Contour in park. My mix CD was playing, Chasing Cars came on. We looked into each other's eyes for a long time, and so often he would lean in to kiss me. I pulled back. Slowly, we were inching closer to each other's lips. Eskimo kisses came first then our lips met. I finally stopped resisting and allowed myself to savour the kiss. It was the best kiss of my life. The fireworks were going off, and there were crazy sparks between us. After the kiss, all I could say was, "wow". This was what I've been waiting for since I first laid my eyes on him. Since the kiss, we were inseparable. We hung out every single day until Jordan came home for the summer.

This part is kinda sad because I chose Jordan over Daniel. Not because of how I felt, because of everybody else. Everyone pushed me back to Jordan, including my mama. I was miserable because I had to hurt Daniel in order to get him to go away. So I spent the summer with Jordan, when I wished it was Daniel instead. The world was against us at that time. I was already thinking of how to get him back. I wasn't in love with Jordan, not anymore, or I never was in the first place because now I knew that my heart belongs to Daniel.

Summer passed by, and colder weather came around. One night in November, Jordan and I had a fight, as usual, he texted me, "I don't love you." WHAT?!
So I broke up with him but didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to deal with what I dealt with in the summer. I ignored him for 2 weeks. Yes, I went 2 weeks without saying a word to him. Jordan was on his knees, begging me to talk to him, and FaceTiming me all the time. The only thing was on my mind is how is Daniel doing, is he okay, will he talk to me again? I attempted to make a contact with him, but he wasn't the same. I could see in his eyes that he's still hurt and bitter. The timing wasn't right so I let him go. Actually, he moved. He wasn't the guy next door anymore. I was heartbroken and still found myself peering at the house, in hope to see him. But he was gone. Jordan came home for Christmas, and somehow, I went back to him. I was not giving my all, and I couldn't look at him the same way. My feelings for him completely vanished.

April 2012 came around. I was driving home when Chasing Cars came on, normally, I would quickly change the song because I couldn't handle the pain of missing him. For some reason, I allowed myself to listen to the song. I parked in my driveway, in tears. Listening to our song, and missing Daniel like crazy. Suddenly, I remembered that Daniel wrote on my brother's Facebook wall and left his number. I quickly went on Facebook to get the number. "Chasing Cars still stop me at my tracks" I wrote, and took a deep breath before I hit the send button.
He replied, "Me too."
And, it was the beginning of Karli and Daniel part 3.

Daniel requested to see me before I go to Washington, DC for Jordan's graduation. I was little hesistant about it but decided to go to see him anyways. Before I went to his place, I got him triple triple coffee from Tim Hortons. Seeing him standing at the front door, my heart leapt out of my chest. Oh, it is so good to see him again. We talked and talked like nothing had changed. I belong to him, and I know it. It's time. We ended up cuddling and watching movies together like we used to. A few days later, I flew to Washington, DC. I badly wanted to keep in touch with him, so we set up little communication via Twitter. That way, we both knew what each other is doing. It made me happy every time he tweets because it's always directed to me. During my stay at Gallaudet University, I often tweeted different lyrics to let him know that I'm thinking of him, and missing him.

Two weeks after Jordan's graduation, I broke up with him while we were sitting on my bedroom floor. I told him that I gave this a try and it wasn't working out. He bawled his eyes out, and I found that very odd because I was the only one who kept this relationship together. I had no desire to see him anymore. I knew it was over for good, and I could not be any happier. But the only problem is, nobody know about Daniel and I. The game plan was slowly ease my parents into the idea of me dating him. They were so against it last year. What would make it different this time?

Little did my parents know, I hung out with Daniel all the time, and even went to Gimli with him. We stayed at his bestfriend's cabin with his friends, and I was sleeping in a tent with him. I was overjoyed, and having the time of my life. During our stay at Gimli, we found a tree and he carved our initials. Kraft Dinner for life - get it? (K + D) Or it could be Donkey Kong if you switch our letters around. I thought it was hilarious, but I loved it. We were crazy for each other. I went to my cabin with my family and friends for a week and half. Honestly, I felt like I was going through a drug withdrawal because I was missing him like crazy. We kept in touch via Facebook messages. There is no wifi at my cabin, but my neighbour have wifi and allowed us to use it. If the neighbour didn't have wifi, I don't know what I would have done. One day, my mama looked at my phone when I was texting to see who I was texting the whole time. She spotted Daniel's name, and said "I KNEW IT!" At that time, I wasn't sure if she was angry about it or not. She went down to the dock, and I followed her. I explained myself, and told her that my brother even wants us to be together. She looked at me and said, "I know he will never hurt you." and that was her seal of approval.

After my stay at cabin with the family, I brought Daniel around the house. My parents were very accepting and getting know him more. You have no idea how I felt because I was over the moon. My game plan actually worked!

A month later, September 3, 2012, Daniel and I entered an exclusive relationship. We actually decided on this date at the beginning of summer, so people can get used to the idea of us being together and giving my friends a chance to meet him. They all did at my end of summer party, and they loved loved loved him. I finally could change my Facebook relationship status to "IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DANIEL GUSTOWSKI" and tell the world how crazy I am for this boy, and he's crazy for me right back. The best part? EVERYONE, are super supportive of us. They actually were rooting for us. Happiness is my constant emotion now because of him.

We've been together for 7 months, officially, but our love story started a long time ago. It's kinda hard to answer "How long have you two been together for" question, and now you see why.

My friends, this is my story.

Journey to Churchchill.

I did my good deed today and donated $5 to Assiniboine Park Zoo toward to their new polar bear exhibit, "Journey to Churchchill"! I got this adorable polar bear plushie for my little good deed! If you're feeling generous and want to find a way to help the zoo, click here to learn about the polar bear exhibit and see how you can help!

By the way, I named my polar bear, "Winnie". =)

Golden Locks.

My hair looks spectacular today. =)

Where's My Good Karma?

What did I ever do to deserve all of this?

"I feel so inspired right now. I want to go out into the world; explore. I want to meet people, learn their stories, photograph them, keep the memory forever. I want to go to beautiful places - the city, the country, the forest, the beach. Anywhere. I just want to go; me and my camera. Nothing else. I just want to go. Leave."

Let It Snow.

Bucket List.

bucket list: noun - a list of things to do before you die.

(The list is not in order.)

• Do a modelling gig.
• Learn how to play ukulele.
• Get engaged.
• Go on a Harry Potter movie marathon.
• Be kissed under a mistletoe.
• Go sky diving.
• Go scuba diving.
• Learn how to surf.
• Own a red-nosed chihuahua.
• Be kissed under the Eiffel Tower.
• Graduate at U of M with BSW.
• Touch all of the continents. (2/7)
• Meet a real giraffe.
• Meet a real elephant.
• Ride a camel.
• Visit the Grand Canyon.
• Get married.
• Move to England.
• Have a picture taken with Big Ben. (England)
• Make a family.
• See a wild kangaroo.
• Visit a pyramid in Egypt.
• Meet a real penguin.

New Chapter.

Here I go again, writing a new chapter of my life.

May We Live Like We Were Dying.

"Tell a little girl with no front teeth that she is beautiful.

Ask an old man to tell you about the "good old days."

Be a big tipper. It feels good.

Don't fight tears. Let them win.

Just listen to a friend who needs to talk.

Give away something you have held dear.

Tell the little old lady with no front teeth that she is beautiful.

Remind,

your loved ones that they are loved,

your friends that they are the best,

your family that they are your lifeline,

yourself that you don't stop and say these things enough.

And a lot of times...

DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL."

And I Loved Deeper.

This song, "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw, is the song I live by. When I first heard that song four years ago, I was a train wreck. Absolutely on the way to self-destruction. This certain line from the song, "I loved deeper, I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness that I've been denying." just kind of snapped me back from my own little world to reality. Ever since, that's what exactly I try to do daily. They say that your life flash before your eyes just before you die. I always try to retrace my steps and review what I've done with my life, and make sure that I'm living in the moment. Appreciate everything because you don't know if it will be still there tomorrow. You can't control the length of your life. Just the depth.

"Someday, I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying. It's simple. The best things always are. I hope it becomes your prayer, your motto, your mantra. I hope it becomes a part of you. Every day."

Movember.

Happy Halloween.

Pumpkins.

Midterms.

Next week is my absolutely first university midterms week. Truth to be told, I'm pretty anxious about this 'cause I have absolutely no idea what to expect, but until I read this verse - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT). I'm ready to set up an effective study session today, and reward myself with a hot bath afterwards. Go me!

Turkey Day.

Thanksgiving is a celebration to bring the family together for a feast. I'm extremely thankful that I have this opportunity to eat delicious meal with my family under a warm roof, even though it was quite small gathering. We stated a few things that we were grateful for, and sang Johnny Apple Seed around the table.

I took a moment to reflect this year so far, and counted my blessings. Family - I wouldn't be here at all if it wasn't for them. They are always there for me, through thick and thin. My little family of 6 - my parents, my brother, and my 2 dogs - we all call this family as "mafia" because we will always be there for each other, no matter what. I just want to say a huge thank you to y'all. Mafia fam jam for lyfe! Karli Brooke Photography business - Okay, I have no idea where to start, I'm beyond grateful for how much my little business grew since late June. This business gave me an opportunity to grow as a photographer and expand my experiences. This wouldn't happen if it wasn't for all of the people who supported me. A huge shout-out for y'all. You rock!

What are YOU thankful for this year?

The First Flight.

I spent my first Jets day with my brother and his friends at the Forks, among with other Jets fans. Witnessing Jets' first flight after long 15 years. Even though, Winnipeg Jets lost, but they got an amazing standing ovation. Brought tears to my eyes. GO JETS GO.

Modest is Hottest.

Emma Watson, famously known as the actress of Hermione Granger from Harry Potter, is my role model. She's so modest, adorable, and beautiful, just the way she is. She has no hard time being Emma. She's bold by cutting her long locks to a pixie cut, just because she feels like it. She'd be doing her math assignment then hop in a dress for a red carpet première. Emma is just Emma, just the way she is. She's comfortable with her own skin. The quote from her below, made me admire her even more.

“I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.” - Emma Watson

R.I.P Steve Jobs.

My Vote Counts.

This year, it was my first time voting since I turned legal in June! My daddy and I went to an elementary school a block away from my home to cast our votes just before I catch the city bus to head to my university. I was so giddy because it was a huge deal. My daddy was secretly amused by my face expressions. I love daddy-daughter bonding times.

Happy Birthday, the World's Best Mum.